Dave White Knows

My Bloody Valentine: 1, Me: 0
I experienced a show-going first last night. I actually had to flee a band.

I am old and I have been to hundreds of shows. I saw Black Flag in a cinderblock warehouse squat and my ears rang for two days afterward. I saw Husker Du in a tiny club and experienced the same ear punishment. I saw Sonic Youth in 1986 and they hurt me. Unsane and Merzbow and Circle. All insanity-loud.

But I was not man enough for the 22-minute "You Made Me Realise." In fact, I was not man enough for the entire show. I sat in the back with my earplugs in AND my thumbs over my earplugs AND my eyes closed AND my hand over my eyes. The lights on stage were like if a squadron of paparazzi were taking your picture for 90 minutes and each one of them had somehow managed to use the sun as a flashbulb. Also, those sunburst flashbulbs were the flying razor orb from "Phantasm" aimed straight for your eyes.

I managed to glimpse each song for a bit because I wanted to see the screen projection thing going on behind the band. Each song had a different psychedelic backdrop: exploding planets or a mashed potato-like landscape or a lady running down a hall backwards and forwards amidst even more flashing lights. All of it was awesome. And way more than I could take.

So then when they started "You Made Me Realise" I thought, "Oh, I'm fine. I can deal with this, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing." But I would have needed those headphones they give to the guys out on the tarmac at the airport, mostly because it felt like a jet was crash-landing on my head. And I mean that literally, the kind of sound you feel as well as hear. And the lights got crazier. And I could feel my insides being roughed up. Those old William Castle horror movie come-ons like, "NO ONE WILL BE SEATED DURING THE SHOCKING FINAL MOMENTS!" finally found an appropriate and accurate object to describe.

I left the auditorium and went out to the lobby where people were milling around with their hands over their ears. I still had my earplugs in. I went into the bathroom and stood in line and waited my turn. A security guy in the restroom said, "They warned me about this part of the show but I didn't understand what they meant."

Then I left the restroom and the lobby and went outside the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium where I spent the next 15 minutes happily watching hundreds of people pour out of the place, all wearing the same kicked-in-the-face expression.

chris_gardner joined me. Then out came an extremely rattled

clintcatalyst who informed me that he'd been down near the speakers. After they finished,

xtreem_aaron wandered out and told me it had felt like getting a massage.

No, I am not upset that I spent the whole show trying not to see or hear it. They were incredible. I'm totally glad I had that experience.

Also, you kids get off my lawn.