DJ Mrs White In The Library With The Lead Pipe (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} djmrswhite) wrote,@ 2008-05-02 06:38:00 |
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The Next Carly Smithson Works At Century City Mall, Plus Not Coming Soon To a Movie Trailer Near You
moroccomole and I were at Century City mall the other night for the press screening of "Made of Honor."
It will murder you, by the way. So unless you're feeling like being stabbed in the brain repeatedly by a wedding comedy then you might think twice about going. Anyway, not the point of this story...
So we're in a store buying a thing. It's not important what store or what thing. I don't want it to seem like I'm mocking this salesperson because she was really nice and chatty and we ended up having an interesting conversation. But as I'm about to pay for the thing I was buying, she goes, "Are you on the radio?"
There are two answers for that. 1. Yes, technically I am on the radio because Movies.com has this deal with the "Valentine in the Morning" show, a syndicated radio show that goes out to about 30 cities across the country. I go on every Friday and I talk to them about what's out at the movies. Mostly I go on and tell them how awesome something like "Pathology" is while they get grossed out and tell me I'm weird and then I tell them how something highly-anticipated like "Made of Honor" sucks a big donkey dong and then they all crack on me and tell me I hate everything. It's like that. I have a good time doing it.
2. No, I am not "on the radio" in the way that the salesperson asked about because what she's really saying is, "Gosh, you have the deepest voice I've heard in person all week."
I have a weird voice.
If you've never heard it then you don't know what I'm talking about. But I truthfully do have a weird voice. It's somewhat deep but not crazy-deep like James Earl Jones or anything. And it's at times kind of... growly? gruff?bark-like? Not like Harvey Fierstein. Different from him, too. It's just this strange voice. And I got it from my Dad, who sounded just like me, only deeper and Barry White-ish. I'm not ashamed of it. I have a higher register and a lower register, like anyone else. I'm not all proud of it. I just read here yesterday someone saying that they hate the expression, "it is what it is." But for me my voice just is what it is.
My good friends here are over it. In fact, they're so over it that it's now a semi-regular contest to see who can do the best mocking impersonation of me. Vincent Lopezumkinda started it. moroccomole does it on an almost daily basis. Gary Cotti garycotti and Dave Cobbe_ticket like to do it too.
But strangers are not over it. They like to have whole conversations with me about it. Which is what this salesperson wanted to do. She wanted me to know that I should be on the radio or announcing things, doing voice work. She's the 7000th stranger to tell me this but she has no idea that there were 6,999 people behind her giving me the same advice. Then I tell her that, thanks, I'm a writer and I'm doing okay with that and I like doing it and that MM forced me to take a voice-over class once about five years ago and the guy who taught the class was like the voice for all the Buzz Lightyear toys and that in this class I failed at the following:
1. Ad-libbing as part of a crowd (doing the "watermelon cantelope" thing that I hear people talk about).
2. Being a character when called upon to do so. Also, emoting as the script called for it on any level other than what I was personally feeling at the time.
3. Being "high-energy."
4. Sounding too much like a hick from Texas.
5. Sounding not enough like a hick from Texas.
Also? There were about 20 people in the class. About ten of them were men. And all of them sounded exactly like me, minus that delicate touch of "how y'all doin'"-ness and "ahm fixin' to kick yer ass"-ness. They all had the same deep-ish voice that convinced all their friends that they should really go for it and become the next "IN A WORLD" guy in movie trailers.
A casting lady came to our final class and we each took turns reading for her. According to this casting lady all of us could get work if we really tried and worked hard at it and took more classes or found a voice coach to help us and then went on a million auditions with people who all sounded exactly like us. She individually critiqued us, as well. And as for me, according to her I'd be best suited for auditions for selling things like trucks, sausage and life insurance.
So I tell this to the salesperson and it has the unintended effect of bumming her out. Because she's a singer. And she faces the same competition. And now she's disheartened, thinking it's never going to happen for her because in her field, I guess, not enough people voluntarily opt out before they even begin. So without meaning to I ruined her night. I'm awesome at that.
moroccomole and I were at Century City mall the other night for the press screening of "Made of Honor."It will murder you, by the way. So unless you're feeling like being stabbed in the brain repeatedly by a wedding comedy then you might think twice about going. Anyway, not the point of this story...
So we're in a store buying a thing. It's not important what store or what thing. I don't want it to seem like I'm mocking this salesperson because she was really nice and chatty and we ended up having an interesting conversation. But as I'm about to pay for the thing I was buying, she goes, "Are you on the radio?"
There are two answers for that. 1. Yes, technically I am on the radio because Movies.com has this deal with the "Valentine in the Morning" show, a syndicated radio show that goes out to about 30 cities across the country. I go on every Friday and I talk to them about what's out at the movies. Mostly I go on and tell them how awesome something like "Pathology" is while they get grossed out and tell me I'm weird and then I tell them how something highly-anticipated like "Made of Honor" sucks a big donkey dong and then they all crack on me and tell me I hate everything. It's like that. I have a good time doing it.
2. No, I am not "on the radio" in the way that the salesperson asked about because what she's really saying is, "Gosh, you have the deepest voice I've heard in person all week."
I have a weird voice.
If you've never heard it then you don't know what I'm talking about. But I truthfully do have a weird voice. It's somewhat deep but not crazy-deep like James Earl Jones or anything. And it's at times kind of... growly? gruff?bark-like? Not like Harvey Fierstein. Different from him, too. It's just this strange voice. And I got it from my Dad, who sounded just like me, only deeper and Barry White-ish. I'm not ashamed of it. I have a higher register and a lower register, like anyone else. I'm not all proud of it. I just read here yesterday someone saying that they hate the expression, "it is what it is." But for me my voice just is what it is.
My good friends here are over it. In fact, they're so over it that it's now a semi-regular contest to see who can do the best mocking impersonation of me. Vincent Lopez
umkinda started it. moroccomole does it on an almost daily basis. Gary Cotti garycotti and Dave Cobbe_ticket like to do it too. But strangers are not over it. They like to have whole conversations with me about it. Which is what this salesperson wanted to do. She wanted me to know that I should be on the radio or announcing things, doing voice work. She's the 7000th stranger to tell me this but she has no idea that there were 6,999 people behind her giving me the same advice. Then I tell her that, thanks, I'm a writer and I'm doing okay with that and I like doing it and that MM forced me to take a voice-over class once about five years ago and the guy who taught the class was like the voice for all the Buzz Lightyear toys and that in this class I failed at the following:
1. Ad-libbing as part of a crowd (doing the "watermelon cantelope" thing that I hear people talk about).
2. Being a character when called upon to do so. Also, emoting as the script called for it on any level other than what I was personally feeling at the time.
3. Being "high-energy."
4. Sounding too much like a hick from Texas.
5. Sounding not enough like a hick from Texas.
Also? There were about 20 people in the class. About ten of them were men. And all of them sounded exactly like me, minus that delicate touch of "how y'all doin'"-ness and "ahm fixin' to kick yer ass"-ness. They all had the same deep-ish voice that convinced all their friends that they should really go for it and become the next "IN A WORLD" guy in movie trailers.
A casting lady came to our final class and we each took turns reading for her. According to this casting lady all of us could get work if we really tried and worked hard at it and took more classes or found a voice coach to help us and then went on a million auditions with people who all sounded exactly like us. She individually critiqued us, as well. And as for me, according to her I'd be best suited for auditions for selling things like trucks, sausage and life insurance.
So I tell this to the salesperson and it has the unintended effect of bumming her out. Because she's a singer. And she faces the same competition. And now she's disheartened, thinking it's never going to happen for her because in her field, I guess, not enough people voluntarily opt out before they even begin. So without meaning to I ruined her night. I'm awesome at that.
