DJ Mrs White In The Library With The Lead Pipe (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} djmrswhite) wrote,@ 2008-05-03 19:29:00 |
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The First of Six Days In Texas, Plus The Fat Lady Will Sing In My House, Not Yours
Re-reading last night's sleep-deprived post of zero punctuation skills, sporadic use of capital letters and a Pong-like relationship with continuity makes me realize what I would write like if I were tanked up on "hill people milk" all the time.
And because I'm wrung and shredded like my four year-old nephew's blanky (it's about 7:30pm pacific time, 9:30pm in Texas), I'll keep this all brief like last night in conveniently numerical bullet points.
1. I don't like the Burbank airport and here's why. The great stuff it has going for it--tiny size, no long lines to wait in for anything, no traffic gridlock going in or out--is dwarfed by the way you have to actually walk up a slanty-gangplank to board the plane. At LAX you're in one ugly sterile environment and then you're in a windowless tunnel and then suddenly you're inside a plane you never had to look at from the outside. It's like, "Oh hi, here I am in a big room and now I'll walk down the hall into the little room and then I'll sit down in the little chair and go to sleep."
At Burbank it's like being greeted by Jaws. He goes, "Okay, hey I'm Jaws and here's my huge mouth. See all of me? I'm huge. Also deadly. Walk right into me and I will destroy you."
Not into it, Xanax or no Xanax.
2. You forget about how folks are in Texas sometimes when you stop living there. They stare right at you and start talking if they find you fascinating. And they're real polite. But they do it all the same. I got off the plane, got my bags, got my rental car and then got on LBJ freeway. I stopped at the combo Long John Silvers/ A&W restaurant and--SERIOUSLY WHO'S INCREDIBLY DELICIOUS IDEA WAS THIS?--got my fish and hush puppies from the LJS side and then my fried cheesy nuggets and root beer float from AW side and, sure enough, a man wearing a shirt with some Bible verse on it stared right at me. Actually he stared right at my ADORABLE Darkthrone t-shirt.
Him [all smiles and extra nice]: "Is that Ozzy Osbourne?"
Me [also all smiles and extra nice because shit y'all I'm home in Texas]: "No it's Darkthrone."
Him: "Dark Throne? Is that about the devil?"
Me: "No, it's more like about Norway. You know, like 'Peer Gynt?'" Then I hummed him a little bit of "In the Hall of The Mountain King."
Him [not getting it at all]: Oh yeah?
Me: [enthusiastic] Yep! Have a nice day!
3. Went to the nursing home and gave my mom her Mother's Day gift, Part One (and no, non-payers of attention, Mother's Day is not this weekend, it's next weekend. But I'm here THIS weekend so the calendar is being bent to my will). Hooked those sweet earrings right up to her head. She cried and is now all excited about her spa day.
4. Went to my brother and sister-in-law's house where we had dinner, talked about Jason Castro (he's in the band at their church), watched half of "Jumanji" and shielded my four year-old nephew's eyes from the scary CGI lion (that looks pretty fakey by 2008 standards but must have seemed a techy marvel in 1995).
5. PWNED EVERY OTHER INFERIOR EBAY BIDDER AND WILL SOON INSTALL THE MARGARET KILGALLEN TOKION FIGURE IN MY HOME. EAT IT, PEOPLE WITH LESS DESIRE FOR ART THAN ME!
6. Dang I am sleepy.
Re-reading last night's sleep-deprived post of zero punctuation skills, sporadic use of capital letters and a Pong-like relationship with continuity makes me realize what I would write like if I were tanked up on "hill people milk" all the time.
And because I'm wrung and shredded like my four year-old nephew's blanky (it's about 7:30pm pacific time, 9:30pm in Texas), I'll keep this all brief like last night in conveniently numerical bullet points.
1. I don't like the Burbank airport and here's why. The great stuff it has going for it--tiny size, no long lines to wait in for anything, no traffic gridlock going in or out--is dwarfed by the way you have to actually walk up a slanty-gangplank to board the plane. At LAX you're in one ugly sterile environment and then you're in a windowless tunnel and then suddenly you're inside a plane you never had to look at from the outside. It's like, "Oh hi, here I am in a big room and now I'll walk down the hall into the little room and then I'll sit down in the little chair and go to sleep."
At Burbank it's like being greeted by Jaws. He goes, "Okay, hey I'm Jaws and here's my huge mouth. See all of me? I'm huge. Also deadly. Walk right into me and I will destroy you."
Not into it, Xanax or no Xanax.
2. You forget about how folks are in Texas sometimes when you stop living there. They stare right at you and start talking if they find you fascinating. And they're real polite. But they do it all the same. I got off the plane, got my bags, got my rental car and then got on LBJ freeway. I stopped at the combo Long John Silvers/ A&W restaurant and--SERIOUSLY WHO'S INCREDIBLY DELICIOUS IDEA WAS THIS?--got my fish and hush puppies from the LJS side and then my fried cheesy nuggets and root beer float from AW side and, sure enough, a man wearing a shirt with some Bible verse on it stared right at me. Actually he stared right at my ADORABLE Darkthrone t-shirt.
Him [all smiles and extra nice]: "Is that Ozzy Osbourne?"
Me [also all smiles and extra nice because shit y'all I'm home in Texas]: "No it's Darkthrone."
Him: "Dark Throne? Is that about the devil?"
Me: "No, it's more like about Norway. You know, like 'Peer Gynt?'" Then I hummed him a little bit of "In the Hall of The Mountain King."
Him [not getting it at all]: Oh yeah?
Me: [enthusiastic] Yep! Have a nice day!
3. Went to the nursing home and gave my mom her Mother's Day gift, Part One (and no, non-payers of attention, Mother's Day is not this weekend, it's next weekend. But I'm here THIS weekend so the calendar is being bent to my will). Hooked those sweet earrings right up to her head. She cried and is now all excited about her spa day.
4. Went to my brother and sister-in-law's house where we had dinner, talked about Jason Castro (he's in the band at their church), watched half of "Jumanji" and shielded my four year-old nephew's eyes from the scary CGI lion (that looks pretty fakey by 2008 standards but must have seemed a techy marvel in 1995).
5. PWNED EVERY OTHER INFERIOR EBAY BIDDER AND WILL SOON INSTALL THE MARGARET KILGALLEN TOKION FIGURE IN MY HOME. EAT IT, PEOPLE WITH LESS DESIRE FOR ART THAN ME!
6. Dang I am sleepy.
